I am astounded by how productive I was in October.

This Blog:

OK, so this is a bad example to start with. But in my defense, I have four posts in draft right now, and I swear I worked on at least two of them.

- Retrospective: September 2015

GameCola:

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! So here's where all my blogging time went.

Columns:
-Featured Game Soundtrack: Scurge: Hive
-The Lost Art of Good Game Design: Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings
-Q&AmeCola: Games Ruined by a Game Mechanic

Podcats:
-Hacks’n'Slash #9: The END DAY: A Tale of Love
-GC Podcast #89: When Jeddy’s Away the Cats Will Play

Videos:
-GC Podcasts #24-26 on YouTube: Mike Ridgaway Gives 2010 Pink Cowboys a Brain Aneurysm
-GC Podcasts #27-29 on YouTube: Jeddy’s First Slumber Party Among Men
- GC Podcasts #30-31 on YouTube: Don’t Age, Metroid

YouTube:

I don't think I've ever had this many videos to share in such a short span of time. Livestreaming on Twitch has proven to be a great morale boost, an opportunity to get my social fix, and a source of near-effortless new video content. Getting to watch my fellow GameCola staff members continue to try out my Super Mario World ROM hack is a hoot, and I'm nearly caught up on old podcasts being ported to YouTube—and am finally getting to some of the new ones! And, HOOORAAAAY, my Mega Man 7 recording project is officially done after, like, a billion years! Well, I technically have one bonus video left to produce, but that one's a bit of a secret, and should be much easier than any of the others...

Flashman85LIVE:
- Deponia (Live Blind Playthrough) - Part 1: Fly Me to the Buffoon
- Deponia (Live Blind Playthrough) - Part 2: Divining for the Fjords
- Deponia (Live Blind Playthrough) - Part 3: The Settings Menu! And Maybe Also Some Gameplay.
- Mega Man Fangame Sampler #3 - Part 1: Super Fighting Robot, Origins
- Mega Man Fangame Sampler #3 - Part 2: SuperDanny Powered Up
- Mega Man Fangame Sampler #4: Eternal, Revenge of the Fallen

GeminiLaser:
- Mega Man 7 - Bloopers, Glitches, Tricks, and Version Differences

GCDotNet:
- Hacks’n'Slash #9: The END DAY: A Tale of Love
- Off-Topic Podcast #2: Giant Squid Scenes
- Super Impossible Mario World - Part 2: We've Got a Sassy Moral Compass

The Backloggery:

I even made great progress through my video game backlog. My wife picked up GameCola Editor-in-Chief Emeritus Paul Franzen's new FMV visual novel, so I couldn't resist taking that for a spin; it's nice to be able to add a new game to the list and finish it in the same evening. Livestreaming Deponia on a regular basis is keeping me from pulling another Longest Journey, though I'm glad I chose to finish up Mega Man: Rock Force on my own time rather than on stream; that last level took way too long to beat. I also tackled two games that have been in my collection awhile, gaining a newfound appreciation for GoldenEye by comparison with TWINE, and wrapping up the Leisure Suit Larry series—at least, as far as I am likely to play, given that Magna Cum Laude and Box Office Bust really don't count, and that I've already got three other iterations of the story Reloaded tells. Lastly, I did some housekeeping, removing things I may never muster the ability or interest to finish (and the LEGO game is open-ended to the point where it probably shouldn't have been on the list in the first place).

New:
- A Stranger Comes Calling  (PC)
 
Started:
- A Stranger Comes Calling  (PC)
- Deponia  (PC)
- LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4  (Wii)
- Leisure Suit Larry: Love for Sail!  (PC)
 
Beat:
- 007: The World Is Not Enough  (N64)
- A Stranger Comes Calling  (PC)
- Leisure Suit Larry: Love for Sail!  (PC)
- Mega Man: Rock Force  (PC)
 
Completed:
- A Stranger Comes Calling  (PC)
- Leisure Suit Larry: Love for Sail!  (PC)
 
Mastered:
- A Stranger Comes Calling  (PC)
 
Removed:
- Conquest of the New World  (PC)
- LEGO Creator  (PC)
- Maniac Mansion  (PC)

Whoo! Great month.

Even I need a break from my own rambling preambles every now and again, so I'll cut to the chase: Here's what I was up to 'round yon Internet in September:

This Blog:

Hey, I wrote something aside from the monthly Retrospective. I count that as a victory.

- Retrospective: August 2015
- Making a Collection Worthy of the Legacy

GameCola:

My goodness. I'm a real staff writer again.

Columns:
- Featured Game Soundtrack: Solstice: The Quest for the Staff of Demnos
-Q&AmeCola: Making A Non-Mainstream Game Mainstream
-The Lost Art of Good Game Design: Mega Man Legacy Collection

Comics:
-Sprite Flicker: Dumber Munchers

Podcasts:
-GC Podcast #88: When this Podcast Hits 88 Miles Per Hour

Videos:
- [NSFW] GC Podcasts #21-23 on YouTube: Zach’s Lost YouTube Grab Bag

YouTube:

Oh boy, was I prolific. Amazing what a little livestreaming and archive diving will do. And let's not overlook my perpetually in-progress Super Mario World ROM hack that went public for the first time in the form of a blind playthrough. For one thing, you get to see me put my money where my mouth is when I critique game design. For another thing, it's a great opportunity to watch how quickly I can get people to say they hate me.

Flashman85LIVE:
- Backloggery Choice #1: Kirby's Adventure, VVVVVV, Space Quest: Vohaul Strikes Back
- Mega Man Fangame Sampler #1: Day in the Limelight 1, Rock Force
- Mega Man Fangame Sampler #2: 2.5D (Beta), Rocks!, Day in the Limelight 2
- Mega Man Legacy Collection Blooper: Wood Man's Revenge

GCDotNet:
- Super Impossible Mario World - Part 1: You're Doing It...Right?
- The GameCola Podcast #36: Boring Gaz Problems
- The GameCola Podcast #37: This Thing Came Apart
- The GameCola Podcast #38: Too Many Podcasters

The Backloggery:

At the end of September, I sat down to play Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings. Expect an upcoming "Lost Art of Good Game Design" column to explain how that went. Although I gave up on the game, I was looking forward to the satisfaction of removing it from my Backloggery with extreme prejudice. Turns out I never put it on there in the first place. Turns out I'm really bad about ensuring my Wii games make it to my Backloggery; following the example of Donkey Kong Country Returns earlier this year, I discovered yet another game I somehow failed to list.

Expanding my collection further was a generous gift from one of my YouTube fans, and one of the fangames I tried out on a livestream was enjoyable enough for me to add it to my list—a rare honor for a fangame, and a welcome surprise for me. I also finished up the Challenge mode of the Mega Man Legacy Collection (continuing to poke at a few of the challenges I knew I could do faster), and I finally freed up the adventure game slot in the rotation of games I'm currently playing. They weren't kidding when they called it The Longest Journey; most adventure games take me a couple days, not a couple months.

New:
- Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures  (Steam)
- LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars  (Wii)
- Mega Man: Rock Force  (PC)
 
Started:
- 007: The World Is Not Enough  (N64)
- Mega Man: Rock Force  (PC)
 
Beat:
- Katamari Damacy  (PS2)
- Mega Man Legacy Collection  (Steam)
- The Longest Journey  (PC)

If only every month could be this busy, I'd be a happy bee! And a busy bee. "Happy bee" sounds silly.

August was exhausting. Exhaugusting, you might even say. The last week in particular was nonstop, characterized by long hours at the office, a household emergency at 4 AM, my first foray into solo video game livecasting, and a busy weekend of traveling that involved more walking and less air conditioning than I've experienced in months. I started a number of writing projects that will take longer than I'd like to finish, and there's a lot of Big Life Stuff up in the air...it's only been a few weeks since I got back from vacation, but I already need another one.

This Blog:

I'm trying to get back into blogging more regularly. This is what that looks like:

- Retrospective: July 2015
- Let's Be Sophisticated

GameCola:

As I continue to spend most of my GameCola time on porting old podcasts to YouTube, my contributions continue to be fluffy.

Columns:
- Q&AmeCola: Favorite Character Customization System

Videos:
- GC Podcasts #7-9 on YouTube: It’s the R-Rated Birthday, GameCola!
- GC Podcasts #10-12 on YouTube: Cap’n Paul’s Big Beard Preview

YouTube:

Fans of my videos know that I'm very, very slow when it comes to producing new video content. Hopefully, that's about to change. Now that I've got a computer setup that works for livestreaming gameplay, I'm trying my hand at a "Let's Play" format that guarantees I won't spend months perfecting my technique and finessing every bit of commentary. My long-dormant Twitch channel is finally becoming active, and I'm uploading my livecasts to a new YouTube channel exclusively for live events.

Flashman85 LIVE:
- Preserved for Posterity: My First Solo Livecast Test
- Mega Man Legacy Collection: Let's See If It's Worth $14.99!

GCDotNet:
- Podcast #31: Metroid; or, Don’t Go Camping with Nathaniel
- Podcast #33: 3D Games
- Podcast #35: It’s Pronounced “Episodic”

The Backloggery:

With my wrist healed to the point where I can play video games again without making funnier faces than usual, I'm back to playing games as my primary mode of relaxation. Or self-frustration, as the case tends to be whenever I play anything for the exposure more than for the fun. I officially dislike the mechanics of TwinBee, and I think I'm too old to appreciate collectathons like Banjo-Kazooie the way I used to, but I still recognize why the game is so well loved. Mega Man 5 was an evening of "comfort gaming" and a way of compensating for spending most of the month crossing one big game off my backlog; it's the Wii Virtual Console release, so it totally counts as a game I haven't played before.

Of course, the latest addition to my collection was what prompted me to get into livestreaming (again); a lot of people were on the fence about the Mega Man Legacy Collection, and though I bought it mostly to encourage Capcom to make more Mega Man, I figured it'd be a good public service (and good publicity!) to give my viewers a tour of the collection. Recognizing that I can only mark Mega Man 5 as Completed so many times on my Backloggery, and because the Achievements and bonus content make the collection so much more than just the six NES games, I decided not to break up the individual gameplay components for my backlog.

New:
- Mega Man Legacy Collection  (Steam)

Started:
- 3D Classics: TwinBee  (VCH)
- Banjo-Kazooie  (N64)
- Mega Man 5  (VC)
- Mega Man Legacy Collection  (Steam)

Beat:
- 3D Classics: TwinBee  (VCH)
- Banjo-Kazooie  (N64)
- Mega Man 5  (VC)

Completed:
- 3D Classics: TwinBee  (VCH)
- Banjo-Kazooie  (N64)
- Mega Man 5  (VC)

I feel almost productive, looking back on all this.

"You are not required to agree with everything you read. That is submission. But laughing at it and trying to understand something you do not concur with is called being sophisticated."  –Greg Proops

Growing up, my English and history teachers were big on differentiating fact from opinion. Facts were irrefutable; opinions were up for discussion. The key to any debate, any essay, was presenting enough factual support for your opinions that your audience couldn't help but see things your way. My college religion professors added an extra layer to this by differentiating between Truth (big "T") and truth (little "t"), the former being a sort of cosmic fact and the latter being a kind of mortal opinion. To use a religious example, Truth is whether or not God actually exists, fact is whatever evidence we have on the subject, truth is whether we think God exists based on the facts, and opinion is whether ketchup belongs on mashed potatoes.

Society, in my experience, has gotten really good at arguing over ketchup like it's evidence for God.

What I mean is that fact and truth have largely fallen out of the conversation when it comes time to express feelings and pass judgment. I think of the posts I've seen on Facebook that discredit an entire belief system or group of people with a single scathing photo caption. It's the social media equivalent of a drive-by shooting; who's going to come limping after you when you've reduced their complex identity and well-founded beliefs to a punchline? And so we passively exchange potshots until the cleverer caption writer prevails, catching countless friends in the crossfire who were just popping in to post baby pictures.

I also think of the political debates I've seen in recent years, particularly this year's first Republican primary debate. I'm registered Independent; I'll listen to anyone who's got the chutzpah to run for President, but I confess that I had a hard time tolerating so much rhetoric and pageantry. The sheer number of participants on the stage transformed the debate into a zoo, leaving only enough time for each speaker to trumpet a few buzzwords before another elephant trampled over their response. The few people who made any effort to explain the facts and personal truths behind their opinions were the ones who held my attention, and whether or not I agreed with them, they were the ones I respected most.

My wife and I feel the same way about the Food Network shows we watch, such as Cutthroat Kitchen and Chopped, where contestants are judged by professional chefs and food critics on the meals they're forced to make within certain parameters. We cheer whenever chef and restaurateur Jet Tila shows up as a judge, because he's articulate in his feedback and consistent in the criteria he uses to render a verdict. In other words, he backs up his opinions with facts, and his explanations hint at a set of personal truths about cooking and competing that clearly inform his opinions.

This is why my wife and I became so disenchanted with Ramsay's Best Restaurant as the series went on. Sixteen of London's best-rated restaurants, representing eight different cuisines, competing head-to-head in a series of challenges that tested their mettle in circumstances both ordinary and extraordinary. The show started off well, showcasing the personalities of the people involved and highlighting the best and worst of their performance, but either the show's editor or celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay himself seemed intent on renaming the show Ramsay's Arbitrarily Best Restaurant.

Nevermind that any sense of fairness went out the window when the participants stopped being treated equally in the semi-finals, or that the show became preoccupied with everything the restaurants did wrong; Ramsay had consistently criticized one restaurant for trying too hard, then gave them the title of Best Restaurant because they tried so hard. Meanwhile, the other restaurant, which had performed spectacularly in almost every challenge, was deprived of the award with no explanation other than that they had "too much heart."

My wife and I were appalled. Yes, we had wanted the other restaurant to win, but the verdict, as far as we could tell, was completely unfounded. But Ramsay's opinion carries a lot of weight in the culinary world, so this flaky opinion that the one restaurant is better than the other might as well be Truth. Not that any of the previous verdicts were defended like a graduate thesis, mind you; Ramsay's descriptions of the food he sampled were typically limited to "delicious" and a few similarly subjective terms, and every vaguely explained decision was invariably "one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make."

Opinions themselves aren't destructive; it's the way they're used and presented. "Your favorite movie sucks" is not the same as "I'm not a fan of romantic comedies to begin with, but I really don't get any sense of chemistry between Carrot Top and Judi Dench." And "this is the best restaurant in Britain" is not the same as "Gordon Ramsay, through a televised competition of unclear standards and dubious execution, determined that this is the best restaurant in Britain." Let's be clear where we're coming from when we talk, and let's examine the facts before we call people out on their opinions. Let's be sophisticated.

I've done a fair amount of yammering about recording videos for YouTube and my time writing for Exfanding Your Horizons, but it's not as often that I talk about GameCola, the videogame-humor-turned-gaming-outside-the-mainstream website for which I've been writing since the beginning of 2009. Here and on Exfanding, you might see me mention the site in passing or rattle off links to posts I've written or participated in, but most of the behind-the-scenes tidbits are scattered in bits and bobs across 5+ years of videos, posts, and podcasts on the GC website itself. What's it like to be a Staff Writer/Editor and the YouTube Administrator for the most prestigious gaming website referred to in this paragraph? Well, since you asked...

Ostensibly, it's very easy. The longstanding rule for writers, dating way back to the dinosaur days when GameCola was published in a monthly newsletter format, is that you contribute one article per month. That's it. End of requirements. In our current format, this typically works well: we're posting one article a day, Monday through Friday, with our regular podcast posting on the first Sunday of each month; with a little over a dozen staff writers, some of whom are inevitably prolific enough to contribute more, it should be no trouble to meet our monthly quota. Anytime you see a "Classic 'Cola" article go up with a golden oldie pulled from the archives, it means we totally blew it.

As an editor, I can see how many articles are in the queue for review, and when things are scheduled to be published. During a dry spell, I'll often try to churn out a fluff post to help tide us over until the pace picks up. Anytime you see an article about a video series that's at least three years old, that's a sure sign our most prolific writers are on vacation, or else I'm really struggling to come up with a post this month. Actually, that's only half true; as both the administrator of GameCola's official YouTube channel and a completionist, I like to make sure all the videos we record get proper coverage on the main site.

Unofficially, I'm also GameCola's resident historian. When I was first invited to join the staff, I started doing my research, reading through the archives from the beginning. With the editor privileges I was given during the site's big relaunch in 2010, I soon embarked on a massive quest to bring all of our old articles up to code, proofing and editing them as I read them to ensure a minimum standard of consistency and polish across (at that point) nearly ten years of history. We have a GameCola Style Guide I adhere to when reviewing these old posts, and several of my suggestions for future revisions have come from past posts. I'll do a full editorial review of one or two new articles in the queue per month, and I'll instinctively spot-check any others I read, but what I most look forward to is the day I catch up with the relaunch articles. Anyone who's familiar with my creative works probably knows how much of a sucker for continuity I am; seeing where we've been makes me appreciate that much more where we are now, and it's a joy to be working toward connecting those two places in a meaningful way.

That being said, there's some scary stuff in the archives that I'm sure most people would prefer to keep buried. But at least it'll look extra pretty. Like a skeleton wearing makeup, maybe. We can be selective about what we reference, but we can't always control where Google searches and those suggested "You May Also Like" posts take people, so I figure it's in the site's best interest for every metaphorical room of our metaphorical house to be as tidy as possible when we leave all the metaphorical doors open.

Likewise, I strive to keep our old videos on our GCDotNet channel in good order, moving things into playlists and updating descriptions if need be. The review process is much less structured and stringent there: upload a video privately, and I'll take a quick peek before posting it to the public, ensuring the description, tags, title, and video and audio quality all meet our basic consistency and quality standards. I very rarely watch YouTube videos unless someone specifically shares a link with me, but I make an exception for GCDotNet out of loyalty and my silly notion that I should be informed about the content I'm supposedly administrating. Of course, it sometimes takes me years to do anything more than skim through a video (have you seen our Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward series!?), but I plan to get completely caught up eventually, I promise.

That's one of the fun things about GameCola: I'm as much a fan as I am a contributor. I have side projects within my side project. Call it GamatryoshkaCola. Or don't, because that sounds terrible.

As one of the senior members on staff, I also feel a strong sense of investment in the site. I've been here longer than the majority of the people currently on our staff roster, and aside from Alex "Jeddy" Jedraszczak (our Editor-in-Chief), I'm the only old-timer who's been continuously active over the last year or two. I'm relieved that Paul Franzen didn't fire me about a half-dozen times while he was Editor-in-Chief, because it's been a fun ride so far, and I've been honored to collaborate with him and with Jeddy on some big and small decisions behind the scenes. Together, we've developed a process guide for editors, diffused a few potentially ugly situations on the YouTube channel, and turned The END DAY into an official GameCola holiday. My perfectionist and control freak tendencies have mellowed considerably since joining the staff; frequent participation in group e-mail discussions, podcasts, and video commentary has a way of instilling an appreciation for effective teamwork.

Do I see myself staying with GameCola indefinitely? Hey, I'm happy to stick around as long as they'll have me. As with Exfanding, there could come a day when it's no longer sensible for me to keep going, but I don't anticipate giving up being a gamer anytime soon. GameCola is a great outlet for that side of my personality, and I've met some wonderful and hilarious people as a result of being here; I'm in no rush to break away, especially with all those side projects left to finish. I've got some video and column ideas yet, and at least one more RPGcast that I'm really looking forward to pulling together. And let's not forget about the 40-odd Mega Man games I have yet to review.

In other words, as I say in my biographical blurb on the site, you're pretty much stuck with me. Sorry.

I am not what you would consider a "Brony." I've watched one episode of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, and I did so only because my YouTube fans started asking me questions about this show I'd never seen. My wife speaks very highly of the show, and I've been in the room from time to time when she's been watching an episode, but that is the extent of my knowledge. It seems like a cute, family-friendly show with high production values and smart writing that could appeal to children and adults alike, provided whimsical adventures and anthropomorphic ponies aren't outside their taste range. It also seems that appearances are deceiving, because the way some other YouTube viewers talk about it, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is the antichrist.

Right, because I remember the part of the book of Revelation that warns about the cutie mark of the beast.

As you may recall, my wife and I recorded a blind playthrough of Mega Pony, a fan-made PC game that very successfully crosses Mega Man with My Little Pony. Initial reactions to the videos ranged from bewildered to enthusiastic, but the general response was positive, regardless of people's opinions on ponies. Suddenly, I'm receiving one harsh comment after another from people who hate My Little Pony, think the Mega Man franchise is being destroyed by association, and have nothing but contempt for anyone who even sympathizes with fans of the show. Senator McCarthy, your legacy is alive and well.

So you don't like the show. Fine. So you're tired of seeing ponies slapped over top of everything anyone has ever loved (seriously, try Googling "My Little Pony" with any other noun and see how long it takes until you don't get any valid hits). Fine. Gripe about those things if you have to; don't swear at me in all caps, scream about how awful this well-designed game is because it exists at all, and disrespect the fans who have gone out of their way to be polite to you despite your arrogant comments. I've dealt with plenty of trolls and have seen plenty of arguments on the Internet, but such violent contempt for an uplifting cartoon about friendship and happiness is startling and does not speak well to the future of our species.

Maybe everyone would calm down if I spontaneously burst into a song about thinking before you speak and being kind to others. That works in real life, doesn't it?

I'm back from a week and a half in Europe, having rejoined my college choir for one last tour with our conductor before his retirement. You would think something like that would be perfect blog fodder, but chances are good that I'll be spending my time plowing through some longstanding side projects instead over the next few weeks. Ah, but this post is supposed to be looking back at the past! Here's what I was up to in May (aside from traveling, singing, overdosing on goulash, etc.):

This Blog:

As is often the case, my posts here were few, but a good amount of thought and effort went into creating them. Well, except maybe the Retrospective, which is always the easy one.

- Retrospective: April 2014
- Mass Defect 2
- Cake or Death, but Hold the Raspberry Sauce

GameCola:

One of my favorite parts of any creative endeavor is coming up with a title for my work. This was definitely one of the more fun ones to piece together, and I like the way the article turned out, too.

- GC Podcast #50 on YouTube: Wait, GameCola Faithful, Let’s Get Matt Jonas Halfway Upset Over This Poor British Ocarina Invasion

YouTube:

A good month for videos! I transferred over the rest of the previously published Final Fantasy RPGcast to YouTube, plus I released a genuine new installment of my Mega Man 7 playthrough that, at this point, I've been working on almost longer than the game has existed. Or so it feels.

GeminiLaser:
- Mega Man 7 - Part 6: Bungle in the Junk-gle

GCDotNet:
- Final Fantasy RPGcast - Part 3: The Lost Chapter
- Final Fantasy RPGcast - Part 4: Mad Little Pony
- Final Fantasy RPGcast - Part 5: Legends of the Fiendish Temple
- Final Fantasy RPGcast - Part 6: Forget Pancakes; Let's Cook the Town

The Backloggery:

I needed a little "comfort gaming," if you will, to calm my nerves before launching into the most travel-intensive portion of my trip abroad, so I fired up a new port of an old favorite in order to get my fix while still chipping away at my video game backlog. I also took a crack at the one game on the list that'll probably make you raise an eyebrow if you're unfamiliar with it as the text-only precursor to the first Leisure Suit Larry game. Well, that might be eyebrow-worthy anyhow. You'll notice I took that same game off the list—when your text parser forces you to input excessively exact phrases because it doesn't recognize such basic words as "LOOK" and "TALK," it's time to move on. My enthusiasm for vintage games only goes so far.

Started:
- Mass Effect 3  (Origin)
- Mega Man Battle Network 3 White  (GBA)
- Softporn Adventure  (PC)

Beat:
- Mass Effect 2  (Origin)
- Mega Man 4  (VC)

Completed:
- Mega Man 4  (VC)

Removed:
- Softporn Adventure  (PC)

Oh hey, guess it's time to change my calendar over to June already, huh?

One of my all-time favorite RPGs and video/computer games in general is Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, which—for me, at least—set a new standard for how immersive a game world could be. Before SW:KotOR (or just KotOR, because sometimes even abbreviations need abbreviating), it was generally an emotional connection with the characters, a large degree of freedom in my actions, or the overall atmosphere that got me immersed in a game. With KotOR, it was all of these plus one more key component: there were story-defining consequences to my actions.

In any other RPG I'd played, consequences were typically limited to the gameplay: if I choose to burn through all my most powerful items in this boss fight, I might be ill-prepared for the next one; if I fail to explore the dungeon thoroughly enough, I'll miss out on some fun secret area. I'd learned to start being a jerk whenever somebody started asking me to save their missing cat or go on some silly quest to save the world, because I'd always be forced to choose "Yes" anyhow, and the responses my characters would give to weasel their way out were usually pretty entertaining. Every once in a while there'd be a Chrono Trigger or a Space Quest with one or two pivotal moments where you could alter the ending of the game, but by and large, the only consequences I ever faced were of no lasting impact to the story.

KotOR made me choose. When there was a man being threatened in the street, I had to decide whether I'd swoop in to rescue him, walk past him quickly to avoid getting involved, or kill the assailants so I could threaten the man myself. I found myself invested in my character and the game world in a way I'd never been invested before, because I was actively shaping their development. You can play GoldenEye 007 and use the corpses of your enemies as target practice for throwing knives, but when a cutscene rolls around, you're still the good guy and not some twisted psychopath. You can play King's Quest and attempt to do cruel and unusual things to every person and creature you meet, but at the end of the adventure, you'll still be the pride of the kingdom. KotOR was the first game I'd played where even the most insignificant actions regularly had ramifications that wouldn't manifest until later on, and watching my decisions mean something got me hooked in a big way.

A few years later, I started hearing about Mass Effect. I knew very little about it, other than that it was another sci-fi RPG made by BioWare—the same company behind KotOR—and that your decisions made some sort of cumulative impact, and that it was very pretty. At the time, "very pretty" equated to "no hope of running it on my computer," so I kept the game in the back of my mind for several years. During that time, I made it a point to avoid spoiling anything about the game for myself. I had to stay off the Internet for about a week when people made it to the apparently controversial ending of Mass Effect 3, which I still refuse to learn more about until I get there myself. When Mass Effect started coming up in conversation again recently on the blogs I follow, and when the realization began to sink in that my new (used) computer has been running almost nothing but '90s adventure games since I got it, I had no trouble picking out which PC game to start playing next.

I had to restart the game three times before I got to the opening cutscene.

Mass Effect has a number of customization options, but for once, overdoing it with the graphics wasn't to blame. Even at the maximum settings, the game runs perfectly on my new (old) rig. I'd made it part of the way through the cleverly immersive character creation process ("Sorry, Mr./Mrs. Shepherd; your personal file has been corrupted. Please help us recreate the data by making selections about your backstory, character class, and personal appearance.") and then the game froze. More accurately, it stopped responding normally to my input. I tried clicking on the new options being presented to me, but instead of making selections, my clicking simply moved the selection cursor up or down. How can I advance to the next screen if clicking on the option I want only makes the cursor jump to the next option?

I did a forced shutdown of the game and booted it back up again. Maybe this was just a glitch; these things happen. I got back to the point where I got stuck before...and got stuck again. At this point, I was starting to suspect I'd somehow brought this upon myself, having spent a good 10-15 minutes fiddling with the settings before launching the character creator. Best to set everything back to the defaults and sort out the problem once I was into the game proper. Another forced shutdown.

On my third attempt, after reverting all settings to their initial states, I was feeling more annoyed than immersed. What kind of game developer lets the player configure himself into a corner before the game even begins? My suspicions proved correct when I reached the point where I'd gotten stuck twice over, and suddenly I had no problems clicking on anything.

What had happened, precisely? It all had to do with the way I'd mapped the mouse controls.

For as long as I've been playing first-person shooters, the left mouse button has always moved me forward, and the right has always moved me backward. None of this WASD nonsense where there's no good way to reach half your hotkeys in combat; all my basic movement of looking and walking around is mapped to the mouse. I grew up on platformers, where precise movement is paramount—I've got greater control over where I'm moving by pointing my mouse in that direction than trying to nudge myself back and forth with the keyboard.

That leaves my entire left hand free to use the entire keyboard for all other actions—CTRL for firing, SHIFT for running, SPACEBAR for interacting with objects, X for jumping, D for ducking, and all the surrounding keys for any extra options I might have. Again, platformers taught me how to do some combination of running, jumping, charging, firing, and sliding at the same time, so holding down two or three keys that are right next to each other is second nature to me. Plus, it's rare that a game either requires or allows you to take more than two or three actions at a time, so it's not a big deal if I have to stop firing for a split-second to activate my health recovery item that might require me to stop firing in the first place. I've still got full mouse control to wheel myself out of harm's way if I'm still under attack.

Beyond that, I play most first-person shooters as a sniper, so having my gun trigger mapped to the left mouse button (which is usually the default) actually increases the chances I'll click too hard and throw off my aim. I don't care if it's weird; it's worked for every FPS I've ever played, and I can't be held responsible if you offer me the opportunity to map the Q key however I see fit. I've been alt-firing with Z and cycling through weapons with the mouse scroll wheel since 199X; it's too late to change those habits now.

Unless those habits prevent me from getting through the first few screens of Mass Effect. For the first time in any game I have ever played, mapping movement to the left mouse button replaces your ability to make menu selections with the mouse. Instead, left-clicking moves the cursor up (like pressing the up arrow on the keyboard, typically reserved for moving your character forward), and right-clicking moves the cursor down (like pressing the down arrow on the keyboard, typically reserved for moving your character backward). Mass Effect interpreted my character movement preferences to apply to the menu screen as well. Left-clicking only made selections if it wasn't mapped to a movement command.

I discovered SPACEBAR, my interaction key, could make selections on the menu screen. So...if I wanted to do this my way, I'd have to highlight my menu options (save, equip, level up, etc.) with the mouse, and then use the keyboard to select them. This system was awkward, to say the least, and it broke down entirely on the Codex sub-menus, which do not cooperate well with keyboard commands. A good 45 minutes into the first 10 minutes of the game, I gave up. No amount of comfort during the non-menu portions of the game was worth the utter inconvenience of having to handle the menu portions this way. I reverted the controls to their WASDefaults, gingerly adjusted some of the more obnoxiously placed controls, and made duplicate mappings of fire (default left click) and backpedal (default S) to CTRL and right click, respectively, where I knew I'd be reaching for them by mistake from time to time. I was not happy about this, but at least I was finally able to play.

Once the initial irritation of the control fiasco began to subside, I found myself experiencing that same kind of immersion I came to love about KotOR. The graphics were indeed pretty, the voice acting was top-notch, the animations were fluid and realistic, the sound effects and music gave off all the appropriate vibes of being IN SPAAAAAAAAACE, and the intimations I'd heard about your choices potentially affecting the next two games in the series made every selection from those dialogue trees seem all the more important. I was hooked.

Then they dropped me on a planet with two teammates I couldn't directly control, put a gun in my hands, and demolished any lingering misconceptions that combat was turn-based like in KotOR. I know I'd been configuring the game to play like an FPS, but I wasn't expecting it to be an FPS. Now the control situation had been upgraded from inconvenience to serious problem--how could I possibly survive an onslaught of enemies when I move when I want to fire, and fire when I want to move? How could I manage giving commands to my squad when I can barely manage giving commands to myself?

In what is becoming an unpleasantly common occurrence, I bumped the combat difficulty down to the minimum. The controls were going to be a handicap; the least I could do was try to level the playing field. I engaged my first enemies with all the grace of a sedated water buffalo, but I survived. I knew I wouldn't be the crack shot I was in Elite Force and No One Lives Forever, but I'd at least be able to get by.

The rest of my first game session went well. I emerged victorious from a few more battles, got a better feel for how the dialogue wheels worked (polite or friendly options at the top of the wheel, neutral options in the middle, rude or angry options at the bottom), read up on my galactic history in the Codex, and played around with leveling up my lead character (leaving my squadmates to automatically level up until I had any idea what any of their abilities meant). As had happened many times before with my KotOR sessions, I completely lost track of the time. The only reason I made it to bed on time that night was because I failed to disarm a bomb in time and was blown up, which is usually a good stopping point. I had spent several valuable minutes trying to find a way to get to the blinking beacon on my minimap, which I presumed to be a bomb, but was in fact a marker I'd accidentally placed in the middle of a wall while fumbling through my map screen. Only the best and the brightest are saving this galaxy.

I'm now a fair portion into the game—I'd say halfway, but I'm not about to look it up and ruin the surprise—and I'm finding more and more that the interface is interfering with the immersion. My control scheme lacks the finesse to which I'm accustomed, so every combat situation ends up being less about tactics and more about brute force than I'd prefer. I could bump up the difficulty to "encourage" myself to be more tactical, but I'm concerned I'll end up dying more frequently than necessary because I'm still occasionally standing there trying to figure out why my gun is overheating when I'm supposed to be running forward.

I'm encountering a similar problem with the decryption minigame where you essentially play Frogger, trying to move your cursor into the center of a circle while avoiding the blocks that move past. I'm fairly decent at Frogger, but my skill is hampered by the control. Sluggish mouse control makes it challenging to swing the cursor into position when there's a tight squeeze, and maneuvering around to the upper portions of the circle (where there may be less block traffic) takes even more time than it does to deal with whatever's in front of you at the bottom when you start. I don't even bother with the hardest decryption level anymore—under normal circumstances, I could probably crack it about half the time, but with these controls I don't stand a chance.

Then there's the issue of inventory management. Any other RPG (hybrid FPS or not) will give you a master item/equipment list where you can see everything you have at once, and usually organize everything to some degree. Mass Effect only lets you see what equipment you have when you're on the tab to equip a character with that particular piece of equipment. For example, you can only see what pistols you have when you're getting ready to equip someone with a pistol, and even then, you'll need to scroll down on the page if you have any more than about four or five in stock. Annoyingly, equipment seems to be organized in the order everything was obtained, with no way to sort by name or strength. This gets to be problematic if you're trying to quickly sell off any duplicates you have of a particular item, because the shop menu isn't subdivided by category, so it's one long list of everything you own in the order you obtained it, with any duplicates being all over the list.

Any quest-related items are only viewable by opening the associated quest record in your Journal...which is of no help whatsoever if you pick up a Turian Medallion of Gastrointestinal Fortitude or somesuch that pertains to a quest you had no idea existed.

I'm also getting frustrated with how inconsistent the dialogue wheel is with adhering to its own rules about where certain kinds of responses should be placed. I'm going for a generally good character who always chooses the Paragon route over the Renegade route, though I'm not above being a little blunt or unfriendly from time to time if the situation calls for it; therefore, I should be sticking to the top and middle options on the wheel, and using the bottom options sparingly, right? Nope. At times, you've got as many as five different questions you can ask someone, all of which are completely prosaic, but they're scattered all about the wheel just so there's enough room for all of them. Other times, an option that looks absolutely harmless will be unexpectedly negative simply because it's on the bottom of the wheel, even when you just clicked on a different response in the same spot and had nothing negative come of it. I sincerely hope they streamlined this with the next game, because I'm tired of saving my progress before I talk to every single person, for fear I'll try to inquire about an alien's culture and end up insulting their mother and sparking a war with their people.

Oh, and let's not forget about the numerous times I've put down my sniper rifle to find my ability to run or even jog has been completely revoked until I reload a saved game. Or all the times I've tried to skip through a line of longwinded dialogue and accidentally selected a dialogue option that wasn't even visible on the screen yet. Or the phenomenon where hitting an elevator button too quickly will lodge my squadmates in the corner of the elevator and keep the whole thing from moving while my main character is frozen helplessly in place until the elevator reaches its destination (which it never does).

The Mass Effect universe is compellingly complex. The story, characters, technologies, locations, choices, and challenges are fun and interesting. The audio and visuals are top-notch. By all rights, I should be hopelessly immersed. Yet there's a stack of little things now towering high enough to cast a shadow on this otherwise brilliant game. It's difficult to get lost in a game when the elements that are supposed to blend into the background keep reminding you it is a game.


Next up: Mass Defect 2